Grooming Your Child

I was listening to a Christian radio station yesterday and a high school freshman girl called into the station and gave her testimony about how difficult the last school year was for her. She was a sweet girl with a humble voice. Towards the end of the conversation, the radio announcer asked one of the most frequently asked questions by adults to adolescence, "What do you want to be when you grow-up?" As most of us are unaware, this question is a loaded question which signals what should be important to youth is what they want to be according to society. This supports the notion that the end game is to "be somebody", a high achiever, someone with a prestigious title, prestigious education, job or position. If you don't say something like a doctor, lawyer, accountant, consultant, MIT graduate, Harvard graduate, etc., you are somewhat frowned upon or encouraged to have these aspirations by the person asking the questions. This girl happened to say, "I want to be a lawyer or accountant like my mom." There is nothing wrong with her becoming a lawyer or an accountant. But, it is a true representation of how she has been conditioned and what has been heavily supported in her life as to what will make others proud of her. It sounded like she said the answer in a way that was making someone else happy, not necessarily her. Ideally, her first response to this question should be, "A great Godly wife to my husband one day." What a mature and powerful statement to make. Anyone can condition their child to say, "A lawyer or doctor". However, the child who gives the response to be a great life partner to someone else is the person I want to marry one of my children one day. They have their priorities straight.

Moms and Dads, this is especially critical for you guys to hear, understand, and implement. Groom your child to be a great wife or husband. Don't look forward to giving accolades or praise for their worldly achievements. Praise them more for being or aspiring to be a great husband, father, wife, mother, and servant. I was talking to a friend the other day. His daughter is about to get married. He was meeting his future son-in-law for the first time to have a man to man discussion. The most important questions on his mind to ask his future son were, "Can you lead my daughter? Will she submit to you?" The future son-in-law was floored by the questions. He could not believe her father would ask questions encouraging submission to him by his daughter. To no surprise he said, "Of course". Wrong Answer!

Think about this for a moment. How many fathers are asking their future son-in-law if his daughter will submit to him? I don't know too many fathers or mothers who would support this notion. The questioning is more like, "What kind of job do you have? What are your future plans and goals in life? You are going to take care of my little girl, right?" Conversely, the questions are very similar for the future daughter-in-law. We are not asking the right questions to support a health marriage and family. The home and family unit is God's sanctuary and refuge. Getting this right has multi-generational effects. If your child is not groomed to be "The Best" Godly husband or wife, they can have the most prestige job in the world and still not have a rich life. Encourage and condition your son or daughter to place the highest priority and value on being a good partner to someone else one day.

In closing remarks, Pastor Andy Stanley recently gave a powerful message about how he wants to encourage his children to get married as early as possible. Instead of encouraging your children to go and get some experience with multiple partners, careers, and take on other worldly opportunities alone, experience life's challenges with a life partner earlier then later in life. How? Pray for a life partner for them and encourage them to pray for one as well. Don't wait until they are 40 years old with too much experience under their belt to start praying. Support and encourage a relationship throughout your child's journey verses emphasizing careers and achievements. We all need to recondition ourselves to think this way. Most likely we were not taught any of this stuff growing-up, I wasn't. This does not mean I didn't have great parents. It just makes it 10X harder to make the change.

Temporal vs. Eternal Living

Until today, I did not fully grasp the significance of temporal verses eternal living. After listening to one of my favorite pastors, Dr. Charles Stanley, on the topic "Living for the Eternal Life, I fully realized how nothing we focus our energy on is eternal, except our relationship with God. Matthew 6:20-21 says, 20 "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Conceptually and experientially, I knew this to be true. I even understood how this works. I have had several reminders during the course of my journey to get this one right. However, I obviously still need reminders from time to time. By striping everything away I want to hold on too, He is the only thing I can rely on. My career, relationships, resources, will ultimately all turn to dust and ashes one day. This goes for everyone. On one hand, this is a very sad thought. We invest so much of our time and energy trying to make these things prosper. This is a good thing, as long as it is for the right reason, to honor God. In many cases, we find ourselves doing it to feel better about ourselves and to live a "happier life". It is sometimes so difficult to comprehend how our own desires are insignificant compared to God's desire to provide us an eternal life both here and in heaven. Maybe we believe we can take ownership for all the good things that happen to us because of the investments we make. Or, we can feel responsible for another person's happiness. Once we do take ownership of our life, pride takes over. And, Pride = Ego = Edge God Out. I truly believe God uses these temporal activities to mature us and condition us to see His eternal perspective. It is sometimes very difficult to have this type of perspective when you are concentrated on making these temporal things go well according to your own personal desires.

So, how do you have an eternal life here on earth? I thought you can only have a life of eternity in heaven. Well, I believe your eternal life starts right here and right now. The following is one of my favorite verses in the bible. Psalms 90:12 says,

"So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom."

Powerful Stuff! I believe God is telling us eternal life starts now, during this trial period. If you want to win the big race, you have to run in practice just like you would during the big meet. Are you practicing in order to win the big race?

Working in Retail

A dear friend of mine and spiritual mentor, Lee Yih from Cambridge, Massachusetts, sums up the best career in the world in two words, "Retail Christianity". Retail Christianity is a term derived from the financial services industry. The sexy careers in financial services are on the institutional side of the business, not on the retail side. The institutional side is where the big bucks are, and the cream of the crop spends their time working on big deals. Whereas, the retail side of the business is all about hitting the pavement and reaching out to individual people by basically going door-to-door.

"But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God. - Acts
20:24 (NASB)

Lee Yih's coined phrase, "Retail Christianity", signifies reaching out to others with no organizational structure, meetings, bricks and mortar, infrastructure, church services, pastors, priests, bishops, board members, committees, budgets...etc. All you need is another person interested in having a dialog about Jesus. It describes the kind of trench work all Christians should see as honorable and necessary. This message is especially for those who work in faith-based organizations or use their business in the marketplace as their ministry. These are necessary and valuable places to be doing God's work. However, Lee Yih says, "Institutional agendas have a habit of trumping God's agenda. God is in the "People Business" and so should His followers be." Just think, God reached billions of people over the last 2,007 years. He reached them by speaking into their hearts. This does not happen because of institutions; but, the act of community and people's willingness to share His love for others. If you ever asked someone how they came to know Jesus, 9 out of 10 times the answer will be through a friend, family member, stranger, business associate, or friend of a friend.

Lee Yih also gives some great advice on how to get into the Retail business. He says, "If you want to go into the Retail business, first pray that God would bring you a person of the same gender into your life that would look to you as a mentor. Then be alert, because it may not necessarily be someone that you would expect."

Are You Focused?

What are you focused on? Is it your career, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, family, physical appearance, money, and the list goes on and on. In my life, I have been primarily focused on almost all these things at one time or another.

The bible tells us we are only able to serve one master. No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other You cannot serve God and wealth. - Matthew 6:24

The only time I have ever felt true happiness is when Jesus Christ is placed at the center of my life. I am definitely still growing in my faith; because, I still find myself wearing fuzzy lenses from time to time. Get Focused!